Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A minor metamorphosis

This morning I looked at my bathroom counter and burst out laughing.


Somehow, somewhere along the line I went from one of those women who don’t know the first thing about make up and moisturizer, to someone who’s entire counter seemed to be covered in the latest in fashionable war paint. It didn’t happen over night, there was no point when I consciously decided I needed these products. Somehow they slipped under my radar, invading my life and my bathroom one at a time. There was a time when I could get myself showered, shampooed, ship shape and out the door in 20 minutes or less. I suppose I still could should my alarm fail or my sense of timing go out of whack, but to be honest, I’d need to skip a few steps.

There’s salt scrub for the shower, to buff my skin to a soft girly glow. There’s a foot file for defeating the calluses caused by wearing fashionable shoes. Shampoo, conditioner, facial cleanser, and some nifty shower gel I got for my birthday that smells like vanilla icing, because apparently it’s good to smell like baked goods. Once out of the shower there’s body butter, facial serum and moisturizer to slather on in a variety of flavours and scents, from coconut frosting to vanilla spice (yes, there’s that whole “smell like food” thing again) ensuring that I don’t somehow manage to dehydrate over the course of the day. 

Once I’m buffed, glowing and goopy with creams I’m left with a wide array of cosmetics to choose from. Again, there was a time I had a single eye liner and a bit of eye shadow, but those times were long gone. Between free samples, actual purchases and a very cool gift basket I won a few weeks back, I’m now the owner of 5 mascaras, 6 eye liners (both liquid and pencil, thank you) and over a dozen lip glosses. No one in their right mind needs a dozen lip glosses, but still, there they are on my counter. As for eye shadow?  I have a rainbow of colours to chose from, some sparkly, some metallic, some matte. This season’s hottest trends (gift basket), last season’s purples (I like purple) and some that just appeared one day and frankly I don’t remember where they came from. How the hell did I end up with this cosmetic collection? When did I turn into the sort of woman who could pull off a smoky eye with 10 minutes and the right eye liner? When did I learn what a smoky eye was?

I’m still not sure how it happened, but this morning as I gazed over the cluttered counter top, assessing in a sea of lipsticks and liners and make up brushes galore, I realized a truth. I’m turning  into one of Them. The ones who know what colours are trending this year, who can tell at a glance the last time you updated your eyeliner. I may not own $400 shoes yet, but I caught myself in a Coach store the other day actually admiring a purse that cost more than common sense should have ever allowed me to even deign to look at. I’m fighting it, but I fear I’m already doomed. The hands typing out this post are adorned by stacking rings, my fingernails are buffed to a high shine and there’s a lip-gloss stain on my coffee mug. I fear its already too late.