Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Online Dating Saga Continues

Last week I blogged about my decision to try online dating again, and how it was going so far. Things have been so strange that last week's post now requires a sequel. I can confirm that my online dating curse is alive and working with terrifying results.

The fellow who left me the cryptic messages last week turned out to be an ex-boyfriend from twenty years ago. On the upside, he's not a stalker. On the downside? He's forty-four years old, currently unemployed and living at home with his mother.

Another ex-boyfriend (this one from a different decade) added me to his favorites list and ticked the "I want to meet you," box. Which would be sweet, only we're facebook friends and went out for coffee a few months ago...

After that, it just gets sad. 

I've been contacted by the following men:

  • A thirty-year-old looking for a sugar momma. (Ha! I can't afford to spoil myself, never mind anyone else.)

  • A man with no picture, no personal information, and an "about me" section laden with explicit descriptions of his foot fetish requirements. His email was simple and to the point. "Are your feet as sexy as your smile? Please don't answer if you were a dancer or gymnast." 

  • There was a one-word note "wow," from a fellow who explained in his profile that he is separated, still lives with his wife and kids (with no plans to change that) and is looking for a friends with benefits relationship with a woman with her own place and a car so she can drive him. And he's a pot smoker/drinker.

  • And then there was the email from another no picture profile. "Vry sexy. U like lether?" I checked his profile, and at the bottom of a badly spelled and somewhat rambling bio I found this line. "Mister Grey without the mony, lookin for my Miss Steel without the virginty issue."

I have a feeling that I'm not going to find my Happily Ever After online. I'm going back to smiling at strangers in the produce section. That way at least they won't ask me about my feet...I hope.